Drawing the Line

As responsible parents who love our children, it’s a given we want to provide all the opportunities possible for them.  At times it’s hard though to know where to draw the line. How much is too much? What’s really expected?

At the time of this writing, it’s Sunday afternoon. My cell phone just chimed to inform me of an incoming text from a child. Here it is, “Can we upgrade my phone?” This was followed by another voice, also in text, “Can I invite a few more friends to my birthday party?” (Note: Said birthday festivities are taking place at the bowling alley, cost per person $5).  Earlier, I’d talked to my son, regarding paying for flu shots if the campus didn’t offer them for free. Two other children’s voices are as yet unaccounted for. However, at 3:00 p.m., there’s still time to ask for new tires, a $100 hair cut, a trip to Disney World, etc.

Hmm.  A parent, if not careful, can drop a tidy bundle on these DNA sharing creatures known as children.

Single parents often struggle with guilt in regards to children. It is harder, for the most part, to take care of your kids on one income. And kids are costly, especially in today’s economy and culture. It helps to keep your emotional and fiscal perspective when you consider this list.

Reality Check Time: Items We Lived Without but Feel Forced to Provide Today.

1. Cell phones -Which are either monthly bills or prepaid deals, plus cost of phones. $$$$$
2. Cable- Remember rabbit ears and tin foil for better reception?
3. Internet- Did not even exist in most homes till a scant decade ago.
4. Car – I didn’t own a car till I was married.
5. Tech toys- Pricey Nintendo, Wii, Guitar Hero, etc. and gadgets and games.
6. iPod -With songs we buy.
7. Computers -Plus, of course, software, printers, paper, ink.
8. Designer clothes-Remember when Chic jeans were expensive at $20?
9. Premium Shoes-Would your mom have coughed up the equivalent of the grocery budget for footwear?
10. Salon Haircuts/Nails-Don’t even think of sending your daughter to the prom unless she’s got a pro-job updo, and salon French tips. I don’t recall anyone in my 80’s generation going to such lengths as a norm, do you?
11. Orthodontic Expenses- I’m not opposed to this, because it is wonderful to give those babies of ours a beautiful smile. But do consider, when we were kids, braces were considered a luxury, not a right.

This is of course on top of school photos, medical and sports expenses, food, birthday parties, music or dance lessons, YMCA memberships, childcare, school books, field trips and school lunches.

According to the media, we’ve not seen the worst of the unemployment rates.  Job markets are expected to shrink and home foreclosures are expected to increase into 2010. It’s still time to tighten the belt for most folks.

There’s nothing wrong with being unpopular with your kids, by saying “No” to a few requests.

It’s a little easier to text back to my phone upgrade query earlier, “Use your birthday money” or “Work for the extra” with no guilt when I have perspective. Parenting has enough guilt and worries. Don’t let financial fluff add to it.

Only you can decide what’s too much or where to draw the line in regard to spending for kids. However you work through this territory, stick to a budget. Be open with children about finances. Offer kids opportunites to achieve their financial goals through work. Use this as a teaching moment. 

If you’re really struggling with producing the bare essentials alone, (without the above frills listed)- relax.  A few hundred generations lived without this stuff. The most important items we provide for our kids can’t be bought. Teach your kids respect, honesty and work ethic and show them plenty of love- those items are far more valuable than a cell phone upgrade- and far more lasting.