It’s been a rough year for most of us. 2008/2009 has seen the economy flat line a few times. After economic CPR, a faint fiscal pulse has been found and life is still present.
Many of you reading this are college students, perhaps worried about what kind of work will be available upon graduation and fearing repayment of student loans. Perhaps you are a single parent, sick of constantly struggling and doing without, just to put food on the table. Or you may be one of those folks who are a statistic of the economy, hating the unemployment that robs you of your dignity, but depending on it now.
I don’t know your story. But I do have a story for us all today. One of the difficult things about struggling personally is that it tends to make us self focused. A good cure for that is, as I often write here, to make financial changes. Another cure is to look beyond ourselves. I’ve been reminded of this early today.
I’ve personally had a hard year. After being single for nearly eleven years, I married last year, amidst much fanfare and well wishes from friends. The marriage, to a man I knew almost three years, ended in two months. We never even lived together or bought a home. I don’t even count it as a marriage, really. We lived an hour apart and were still trying to transition our lives together; when it became clear we had “irrevocable differences”. My kids were in pain, I was in pain. I’ve not dated since.
Shortly after, the economy went belly up in my part of the country. I worked like a fiend to hold down life here. I got behind again on my bills, since my income was half of what it had been only a year ago. After struggling so hard to get ahead, I felt like I had utterly flopped (again). I downscaled, moved, had a car wreck and was hospitalized, changed careers and plunked myself into college to finish the degree I’m close to completing, and re-budgeted once again. All of this in little over 12 months. It’s been a hell of year. I’ve been self focused, depressed and yes, bitter.
This morning at CVS, (stopping to get my advertised .99 milk) I ran into a familiar face. There’s a local woman who seems to have taken a liking to me. I’m embarrassed to say, I frequently shy away from her with a vengeance. She’s mildly disabled, but quite functioning. I’ve got a big heart usually, and enjoy passing the time with about anyone. But, this woman is the sort who corners you, and endlessly chatters. If you get engaged in a conversation, you’ll be there for seemingly hours. I’ve been too much in my own world to deal with other’s plights these last several months. I admit it. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the ugly truth.
As a new employee of the drugstore, “Shelly” was beaming with pride when she pounced on me in the far recesses of the freezer aisle. “You’re wearing green, right?” “I’m color blind, but I’m learning to guess,” she related. Somehow, I don’t know how exactly, Shelly shared her life story with me. At 44, we’re the same age, it turns out.
When she was 8, a car wreck on Christmas Day took her mother’s life and dramatically changed Shelly’s (who was a passenger) as well. Massive brain injuries, near death, unable to walk or talk for months, Shelly became an orphan and disabled for life. Tragically, she was left with poor short term memory, color blindness, and a variety of other ailments. I can’t think what else she’s had to work through all these years, or how difficult her life has been.
A flashback in my head to the last year, of all the tears I’ve cried over my personal plight washed over me as we talked.
No, awareness of other’s lives won’t pay my bills.
But one thing I did take from talking with Shelly was the joy of taking small steps, no matter how long or how hard they are. It’s taken her 34 years to identify the color green. She’s celebrating this step. I joined with her in celebration, hugging her in the frozen food aisle, while fighting back the tears. I didn’t see her wallowing in fits of depression bitter, because it’s taken her 3/4th of her life to learn three colors. Shelly is rejoicing in small steps.
We should too.
No matter what kind of forward steps they are. Pay off a bill? Hurray! Make a single payment on time? Be glad. You’re making tiny steps. You, like me, should be celebrating them. I haven’t participated in this celebration enough of my own achievements. I’ve only been comparing myself to others my age, in my affluent town. And as a single parent, with few resources, I fall short on comparison to other’s 401K’s and home ownership and plush vacations. So what if it takes you a little longer than your best friend or neighbor? Celebrate the small steps forward.
The other thing I took away from my dear Shelly, (who I formerly hid from) is to remember the other man’s plight, no matter how dire our personal issues are. We all have heard and know the adage about someone having it worse. But I challenge you to look for those moments when you can celebrate with others or encourage another soul. For your act of service, lending a few moments, I promise you’ll reap more than you give. That’s earning potential you won’t get from the economy, your job or the stock market.
I know I won’t be hiding from Shelly anymore. I’ll be looking for her to see what she’s accomplished and what I can learn from her. I’m done being self focused and I’m not going to expend negative energy in comparisons anymore. If it takes me 34 years to pay off my debt, I’d guess Shelly will celebrate with me, if no one else will.
Celebrate your small steps and look beyond yourself.